You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
