I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
