My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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