I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
