A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love you. Go after that dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
