Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
