Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
