she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
