Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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