So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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