I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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