well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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