we have pet lesbian snakes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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