After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
