you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
