Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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