Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
