Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
