Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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