I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
