Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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