when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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