Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
