You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
