Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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