I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
