My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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