He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
