She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
