I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
