mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
