I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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