he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
