Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
