Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
