God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
