id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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