Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
