I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
