Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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