I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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