He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
