Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
