she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
