You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
