you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
