I didn't shave. On purpose
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
