Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
