Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
