it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
