oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He keeps bees of course he's weird
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
