Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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