Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
