i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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