Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
